Epilogue

We spoke too soon back in September. The intelligent professional was neither and our professional act of removing the inflammatory blog about our unredeemable idiot of a former boss did little good, save to disappoint you readers.

Both Sharkie and I have since been relieved of our positions at the Glorious Company. I was laid off first back in October because my work was being given to a new enemy, The Genius, who graduated from the Instant Graphic Designer School and made every printed piece in Powerpoint. When I mentioned that we used InDesign, the so-called Intelligent Professional who took over as our boss asked Sharkie if we had bought this program with our own money. This was a very bad sign, in my book.

That same day, I was called into the So-Called Intelligent Professional's office where I was told they were cutting my position. Behind my ex-new boss were samples of a billboard that The Genius had designed -- the billboard has so much text that it cannot be read from the freeway by which it stands.

Sharkie was kept on for about five or six months, given all my work and forced to fix The Genius' brilliant pieces. Then Glorious Company decided to screw her over, too.

Meanwhile, Our Glorious Leader is still gainfully employed at our former workplace. I can think of no better parting gift from us to her than to make these anecdotes and examples of extraordinary incompetence available to the public again.

More sweet than bitter.

Word came down this morning: she's not Our Glorious Leader anymore. Sharkie and I are now under the leadership of an intelligent professional.

She's still around and in the same area so we'll overhear hilariously stupid things worth sharing here, but she can no longer determine whether or not I'll be forced to live on ramen for the next two months. And I don't have to take marching orders from her or argue with her about using adjectives on a marketing piece. (Not just any particular adjectives, but any adjectives, period.)

Let this be a tale of inspiration to others with shitheads for bosses: you can persevere. All it took was patience and the right moment and no longer giving a shit over whether or not we were canned. Oh, and entirely new management that is bent on fixing what's wrong with the company and is smart enough to note that, despite what our ex-Leader would have others believe, we are not what's wrong.

I exercised decorum and refrained from screaming "Woohoo!" or "Suck it, bitch!" Since I received the email telling me I now report to a sane person, I have been quietly smiling. And working, too. I feel like actually giving a shit about my work since I know it won't serve the glorification of an incompetent cunt.

We might have to shut down the blog

I reached a breaking point today. Perhaps I have been reading too much Emerson and cannot contain my inspiration. I kept thinking about integrity and nonconformity and how I should stand up against the bullshit in my own life and if the consequences are negative then they are consequences for doing the right thing and I can live with that.

So I sent a very important person in the company an email about Our Glorious Leader's unprofessional behavior. I received a very positive response at about 9 pm. She gave me her cell phone number, told me the problem will be rectified and she is meeting with me when she is back in town in a couple days.

She is separating us from Our Glorious Leader!!! <-- there are not enough exclamation points in the world to express my excitement.

Anyway, if you happen to be one of the few coworkers who has this blog url, please keep this a secret.

I may like it rough, but I'm no masochist.

I've been posting far less than Sharkie lately because, well, I noticed that writing about Our Glorious Leader severely depresses me. There is nothing more I can find humor in, because when it occurs to me that my life is currently in the hands of this very troubled, very incompetent individual who hates me and the company that refuses to acknowledge the benefits to be had in dehiring her, I want to go fetal and cry. And on top of it all, I was screamed at for closing my door about a week or so ago.

I am now seeking other employment and reminding myself it's not worth it to do or say anything to get myself fired. I'll pull the evil shit once I'm walking out the door.

However, that evil shit will not be, say, writing the URL to this blog on my whiteboard. Sharkie can do that.

"hehehehe zOMG" -Shapes

Our Glorious Leader has a long term plan for the marketing department.

Her beloved data entry team will no longer have work to do in a few weeks because their jobs can and should be done by computers. So instead of letting them go she wants to make up new positions for them. Which positions? OUR POSITIONS.

She claims she is getting these women Adobe trained and they will be instant graphic designers. VIOLA! Good fucking luck. The manager of this soon to be doomed department has trouble using programs like Excel and Outlook but OGL believes she will be a stellar designer because graphic design is easy and any idiot can do it. OGL once claimed that she was going to learn the entire Adobe Suite in 3 weeks.

This future Graphic Design Extraordinaire has asked me to her office regularly to show her AGAIN how to:

-bold something in Excel

-find missing info in Excel (hello tabs!)

-make a new folder in Outlook

-find someone in the Outlook address book

-find an email that she filed incorrectly

-any other pointless task that anyone using MS Office for 3 years (or 3 weeks) should know

I assume that since this genius of computers is a manager in her current department and a good friend of OGL, she will be place ABOVE us lowly design minions.

Our Glorious Leader is out for the week. Her kissass underling said "OMG it is your first vacation in three years!" I did not mention that she was out for nearly three months last year because she kept granting herself extra vacation because she did not enjoy the ones she had previously taken so they don't count.

me: how was your vacation?
OGL: (groans) OHHHH GOD! Don't even ask!

Then two weeks later she takes another vacation. WTF?

Anyway she is currently on vacation because someone is insane enough to marry her. I just don't get it. He seems like a nice guy.

Simple Tasks, You Overpaid Fuckos!

Twice this week I have received a screenshot of a pdf in my work email inbox from a higher up. She didn't even bother to crop the fucking thing and sent it over as a bitmap and it's HUGE.

Dear Overpaid Fucko,

Do you really not know how to attach a pdf file?

Love Always,
Underpaid Design Minion

Oh well, not quite as bad as the time I received this.

the truth

I hope this doesn't make you think less of me...

Our Glorious Leader is especially screechy today. She often sings aloud at her desk, screams random crap throughout the day, and refuses to get up off her ass to say something to someone. She screams it from her desk from across the hall.

Some days, today for example, I just want to walk up to her and smack her in the face and say, "Shut the fuck up you annoying cunt. If you had any idea how stupid and annoying you are you would save yourself the embarrassment and not ever leave the fucking house."

Instead I sit here at my desk wishing they would fire her. They won't. It has gone on this long.

Publical? I wish she said PUBIC!

Yesterday Our Glorious Leader received a call from Who's Who. They wanted to intervier her for the scam, I mean book. So after listening to her talk for a half hour about how she is really just a scientist afterall she hangs up to brag about how well it went.

OGL: (to her "chat room" buddies) So she asked me if I had ever done any publishal... publiminal... publical... talking in front of people!
Employee: You mean public speaking?
OGL: Yeah whatever, so anyway I told her all about...

Then she went on and on about the awesomeness that is OGL.

It's not her problem!

Every time someone asks Our Glorious Leader for help or complains about an issue happening in her department she screams, "Not my problem!"

Often Zeeba and I bring up issues before they occur, issues that will save the company tons of money or keep us from having to repeat the same task over and over because it was done incorrectly at her insistence. When we bring these things up it is always the same thing. She responds with attitude and "not my problem!!!"

Lately she has been saying this about issues brought up by other offices. Employees call her asking her for help and she tells them to find someone else to bother. Then she bitches about how stupid they are when she hangs up the phone.

She has started sarcastically saying, "Don't you just love stupid people?" She thinks she is smarter than everyone she meets when really these people are calling with valid issues that she does not understand. Once I was in the kitchen getting my lunch out of the freezer when she stomped in yelling "Don't you just love stupid people?" I muttered, "NO, I do not like you" into the freezer and left the kitchen.

What I want to know is if she is in charge of everything and takes credit for all the work we do even though she has no idea what it is, how is it that all of her fuckups are not her problem?